Unsettling Mormonism
an archive of unsettling histories, mythistories, and mystories
from U.S. & Mormon settler colonialism, white supremacy, and imperialism
from U.S. & Mormon settler colonialism, white supremacy, and imperialism
O’Donohue: “I’ve always thought that tradition is to the community what memory is to the individual. And if you lose your memory, & you wake up in the morning, you don’t know where you are, who you are, what ground you’re standing on. And if you lose your tradition, it’s the same thing.” Tippett: “And tradition, like memory, has dark passages in it.” O’Donohue: “Oh, it has huge dark passages, & I mean, I would say that within the Christian tradition there are dark zones of complete horror.” - “The Inner Landscape of Beauty,” On Being ----------------------------------------------------- I don’t remember the first 8 years of my life. At 18, I left Mormonism, the religion I was born & raised into–the tradition of the last 8 generations of my ancestors. So, when I heard these words by O’Donohue I thought of how I work w this experience of personally & communally losing the “ground (I’m) standing on.” After leaving Mormonism I began learning abt Buddhism from Pema Chödrön. Chödrön writes abt groundlessness, or the truth that “there is nothing to hold on to.” This truth stands in direct contradiction to Mormonism with its “rod of iron” on which one clings to stay on the “strai(gh)t and narrow path” of the One True Church. Bc I lost my formative memories & baseline reality (Mormonism) I often feel groundless, but not in the accepting & fluid way that Chödrön writes abt. More in the confused, anxious, & displaced way O’Donohue speaks of. This is exacerbated by the fact that I am a Euro-settler on stolen lands. This is not the land my People evolved w & in that way we are a displaced people. I don’t remember my childhood because of domestic violences. I grew up on Nuwu lands bc of settler colonial violences. By practicing leaning into emptiness/darkness/groundlessness with curiosity & “compassionate inquiry” I can develop the ability to find liberation rather than anxiety in groundlessness. By letting go of my addiction to comfort & personal purity, to righteousness & innocence, to solid ground & stability I can connect w a deeper tradition, an older memory–flow/balance/change. Everything is changing. Nothing is permanent. And that hurts. Everything is changing. Nothing is permanent. And that is a relief.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorI am nicholas b jacobsen, an artist, researcher, historian, educator, and organizer. I am a trans-non binary Euro-settler raised in the Nuwu lands of so-called Utah. My family has been Mormon and Utahn for as long as either of those concepts have existed. My ancestors sacrificed everything--their identities, homelands, jobs, health, & safety to become Mormon, Utahn, U.S. American, & white--to settler their Zion. They also sacrificed their humanities as they committed genocide against Kuttuhsippeh (Goshute), Timpanogos Shoshone, Shoshone-Bannock, Eastern Shoshone, Ute, Nuwu (Southern Paiute), and Diné (Navajo). Because my ancestors made my home through Indigenous genocide in their home/lands––I take it as my personal responsibility to unsettle what my ancestors settled, while helping my fellow settlers do the same through reading, writing, art, and community building. Archives
June 2023
Categories
All
|